mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
