well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
