im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
