never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
