I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
