why do cheetos always look like penises
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
