So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
