You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
