So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
