There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
