I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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