ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How does one acquire holy water?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
