you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
