hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
