Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
