would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
