butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
zippers are such a cool invention
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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