omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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