Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
