I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
