Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
