You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
