this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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