They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
