I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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