Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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