Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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