you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
