Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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