if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
