I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can text with my tongue
I think im going to throw up on grandma
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
