i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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