Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
