I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
