upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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