Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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