I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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