I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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