Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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