six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're like the curious george of whores
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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