Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
