One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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