I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
