i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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