At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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