dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
