I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
