Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
