a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
