Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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