So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
