Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
